Tuesday, February 22, 2011

TITTY BABY

The southern version of stop being a sissy goes a little something like this: "Stop being a danged ol' titty baby." (As first made known to me by my cousins then four year old son. This has absolutely nothing to do with this post other than a) it's funny and b) I AM about to talk about my lady lumps.

So the long and short of it is this - my boobies are driving me CRAZY! Does anyone else have super dry ta-tas in the winter? This is my first winter with this hellacious itch. And I? Am of course convinced that there's something terminally wrong with me. Let me explain:

First, I wish I was exaggerating when I say that I've gained almost 100 pounds since high school. It's devastating (insert pointless self loathing) and I'm turning that ship around but that's a WHOLE other post. But obviously the girls have grown too. Now with this "growth" has come a change in color. Like the horses in Oz but way less magical. But seriously? Sometimes they look purplish and almost bruised. This varies in appearance which is weird in itself.

Second, maybe I look at them too much but sometimes it looks like there are little dimpley dots on them. I read online (because of course I have to Google it) that a certain kind of breast cancer looks like the peel of an orange. So that's nice.

Then of course is the intense itch. Like if you mix dry skin with anger and hell. It's beyond infuriating. Oh and if I scratch anywhere near the nipple on either side little bumps appear all around the outer circle.

Soooo... Why turn to the blogosphere instead of a licensed professional? Well let's see - because I'm a baby maybe? Oh and because I'm a really really REALLY big baby. Duh. So step up and diagnose me pretty please. Tell me it's ok and that it's... pink eye or something. Yeah that'll do. Or maybe a bad case of the common cold? Yeah thanks.

Oh and no this I not what I've been up to in my blogging hiatus. I just have to put it out there so my groupies know what I'm working with :)

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