I H-A-T-E Mondays but tomorrow can't get here fast enough. Why you ask? Because my brain is so weekday conscious today that it has decided to put the aforementioned song on repeat in my head. It was there when I first woke up, I sung it in the shower and I'm pretty sure while I was peeing.
There really was nothing easy about this morning... the uterus was in top form and kept me in the fetal position all morning. The husband was nice enough to go out and grab us a bagel and even brought me home some orange juice after I had a Google Attack and found that many a rambunctious uterus responds well to calcium. Well I've got four words for you uterus... Floridian Citrus Crop Frozen... so don't get used to it.
Alright enough uterus talk.... I finally willed myself to head to the store and begin the journey. I picked up the 30 Day Shred and lots and lots of fruit and healthy (er) foods. I've been lurking around the blogosphere the last couple of days and have read many references to "the Shred." That's what I'm calling it - "the Shred." Are you down? I don't tune into the Biggest Loser regularly but I figured hey - what the hell? I secretly think I'm drawn to it because it makes me think of Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Cowabunga!!!!
So - tomorrow begins the start of this crazy journey. I'm not dieting. I'm not giving up breadsticks and beer forever. I'm just going to make a valiant effort to make smarter choices, rock "the Shred" for the next 30 or 90 days and eat better. I've dealt with a lot over the last few years and I think I'm coming around to the life that's starting to exist around me. Or maybe (GASP!) I'm growing up even more. There's been this storm brewing in my head - one that wants to separate all the junk in my life (in my head, in my house, in my cupboards, everywhere), purge what I don't need, reorganize what I'm keeping and simply MAINTAIN the goodness that will undoubtedly come with a little bit of commitment and maybe just maybe some support from my blog friends :)
So that's that. I'm off to bed. I'm starting a health plan on a Monday at the beginning of the year. Statistics say I've already failed. Better rest up.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
OH FINE... WHAT'S UP 2010...
I sat through my New Years a bit depressed as a result of my life's events recently. I avoided the New Years head band and noisemaker thingys in the stores and generally couldn't muster up that 'fresh start' feeling that many people have come January 1st. Save for the few checks I've had to write I've successfully turned a cheek to 2010... and the fresh start I KNOW I DESPERATELY need... until now.
After putting in at least two work hours EVERY day of my supposed 4 day New Years weekend, you could say I was starting my year a little on the bitter side. However, the last day of the "break" my hubby and I got a bug in us to paint the should-be-master-bedroom that's been piled high with MY crap for the last year and a half since calling this place home. We've moved out of the guest bedroom and I must say I LOVE the new chocolate milk colored walls of my freshly acquired sleeping space.
And that was that. That was the closest we came to being productive in that four day stretch. The need to set my health as a priority naturally plagues my thoughts daily. I've got an out of CONTROL uterus right now, an impending root canal, some depression issues that may or may not require professional guidance and about a hundred excess pounds weighing down this supposed temple. Sooo... that being said, and the urge to start our family sometime this fall, I've got some major work to do. Which comes with the daunting task of finding some major motivation. And.... let it be said... one of my infamous need-one-for-everything lists aka a PLAN.
I've blamed my increased workload for keeping me from stepping out into this venture for a couple of weeks now. But the uterus isn't backing down, the root canal is looming and those pounds sure as hell haven't gotten the hint that they're not welcome. Not in the least. And while we're on that subject lets not forget I've got til September to drop enough inches to squeeze into that bridesmaids dress I bought which does NOT FIT YET.
SO... this need to step out of my sweats and woe-is-me mindset is hugely important. I haven't known exactly where to start until the other night when I stumbled onto quite the gem. Needing a break from MJ's autobiography "Moon Walk" (if you just rolled your eyes... I dare you to sit still through Thriller... Triple. Dog. Dare. You.) I googled something like "the best blogs for women..." which in a round about way lead me to said gem. That was on Thursday. I have since shamelessly read her entire blog catalog from start to ... well... now. I'm hooked. Its not just that her writing style and experiences are highly relatable. Or that after getting halfway through I realized that she hails from a town about 15 minutes from where I live. Or that she openly discusses sharting.
Its that I was reminded that this is the outlet I forgot I had. This year is undoubtedly going to be a tough one full of change - some good, some bad, some scarily unknown. But I really think my love for writing is that missing link, that driving force I need to accompany as I brace for all that this New Year entails. So I'm back. With a vengeance. I hope that this works out the way I plan. And I hope, with a third grade fervor that MrsFatass will be my friend.
Later gators.
After putting in at least two work hours EVERY day of my supposed 4 day New Years weekend, you could say I was starting my year a little on the bitter side. However, the last day of the "break" my hubby and I got a bug in us to paint the should-be-master-bedroom that's been piled high with MY crap for the last year and a half since calling this place home. We've moved out of the guest bedroom and I must say I LOVE the new chocolate milk colored walls of my freshly acquired sleeping space.
And that was that. That was the closest we came to being productive in that four day stretch. The need to set my health as a priority naturally plagues my thoughts daily. I've got an out of CONTROL uterus right now, an impending root canal, some depression issues that may or may not require professional guidance and about a hundred excess pounds weighing down this supposed temple. Sooo... that being said, and the urge to start our family sometime this fall, I've got some major work to do. Which comes with the daunting task of finding some major motivation. And.... let it be said... one of my infamous need-one-for-everything lists aka a PLAN.
I've blamed my increased workload for keeping me from stepping out into this venture for a couple of weeks now. But the uterus isn't backing down, the root canal is looming and those pounds sure as hell haven't gotten the hint that they're not welcome. Not in the least. And while we're on that subject lets not forget I've got til September to drop enough inches to squeeze into that bridesmaids dress I bought which does NOT FIT YET.
SO... this need to step out of my sweats and woe-is-me mindset is hugely important. I haven't known exactly where to start until the other night when I stumbled onto quite the gem. Needing a break from MJ's autobiography "Moon Walk" (if you just rolled your eyes... I dare you to sit still through Thriller... Triple. Dog. Dare. You.) I googled something like "the best blogs for women..." which in a round about way lead me to said gem. That was on Thursday. I have since shamelessly read her entire blog catalog from start to ... well... now. I'm hooked. Its not just that her writing style and experiences are highly relatable. Or that after getting halfway through I realized that she hails from a town about 15 minutes from where I live. Or that she openly discusses sharting.
Its that I was reminded that this is the outlet I forgot I had. This year is undoubtedly going to be a tough one full of change - some good, some bad, some scarily unknown. But I really think my love for writing is that missing link, that driving force I need to accompany as I brace for all that this New Year entails. So I'm back. With a vengeance. I hope that this works out the way I plan. And I hope, with a third grade fervor that MrsFatass will be my friend.
Later gators.
Monday, September 21, 2009
NEVER ENOUGH...
I was just thinking about how there is never enough of so many things in my life. I wonder if I will ever be happy with exactly what I have and if there is some super-thought-process to build contentment. So I'm going to try a little self-experiment. I'm going to take my compulsive list-making to new heights. I'm going to make a list of all the things that are never enough - then do my best to work through that list and deal with each individual aspect of my life thats represented, trying to build contentment or address the cause of why I feel the way I do.
*There's never enough nice things said by my husband
*There's never enough romance in my marriage
*There's never enough positivity at work
*There's never enough appreciation
*There's never enough work done on my part... always something to add to the to-dos
*There's never enough money
*There's never enough time
*There's never enough sleep
*There's never enough respect
*There's never enough understanding
*There's never enough nerve
.................................................................................
Thats all for now... call it complaining but sometimes those things happen to hit me all at once leaving me wallowing in a pool of self pity. I'm hoping that by working on each thing one by one I can accomplish a higher level of happiness. Wish me luck!
*There's never enough nice things said by my husband
*There's never enough romance in my marriage
*There's never enough positivity at work
*There's never enough appreciation
*There's never enough work done on my part... always something to add to the to-dos
*There's never enough money
*There's never enough time
*There's never enough sleep
*There's never enough respect
*There's never enough understanding
*There's never enough nerve
.................................................................................
Thats all for now... call it complaining but sometimes those things happen to hit me all at once leaving me wallowing in a pool of self pity. I'm hoping that by working on each thing one by one I can accomplish a higher level of happiness. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
SPARE CHANGE
I grew up in a too-small town where the only traffic jams were caused by farm machinery or funerals. The only cities I've frequented are Detroit, MI and Chicago, IL. When visiting these cities I am my classic self - torn between a small-town girl with eyes wide open, full of wonder, anxiety and timidity. Torn between her and the woman I am grooming myself to be - sophisticated, professional, knowing which fork to use.
Nothing can force me back into that small-town shell quicker than encountering a homeless person. I am not scared. I am anxious. I feel the same way about homeless people as I do about changes in my life. I feel anxious, I don't want to come into contact, be engaged with it or embrace it. Yet I recognize that it is inevitable - my interaction with them and with change. I avoid it as much as I can but at the same time I am human enough to know that I have to acknowledge it as real. Who am I kidding? I am more uncomfortable with change than anything or anyone.
I recently changed jobs. I had held on to a wonderful job in a miserable environment to the point of sacrificing my health, my relationships with friends and family and most importantly, my time for myself. I worked at a resort and planned weddings for the last four years. I am only 24, so this was the longest I had ever been at a job thus far. I loved my job. As with most jobs, it was the management that led to my eventual resignation. From the first time I fluffed the bride's dress I knew it was my calling. I loved the relationships I developed with the clients. I loved being able to exercise my creativity to its fullest potential to put on the most memorable events. I even loved the challenges that came in the form of mothers-of-the-bride, "bridezillas" and arrogant businessmen planning conferences.
But it happened- I finally jumped ship. I mean jumped. I was offered an administrative position at a real estate office and took the opportunity. I jumped without even opening my eyes. My knowledge of the real estate business went as far as knowing that there's a bunch of people, they sell houses, lots of papers are signed and then they give people keys to their house. When I find myself googling real estate terms just to stay afloat and not sound completely incompetent, I have often wondered "What the hell am I doing here? I just left a job that I knew inside, outside and sideways for a place where I know nothing."
My boss is not only a real estate broker ( n: term which describes a party who acts as an intermediary between sellers and buyers of real estate and attempts to find sellers who wish to sell and buyers who wish to buy), but she is also a national speaker. She holds sessions across the country coaching other brokers on how to grow their business. Last week she called me into her office and offered me the position of being her event coordinator - effective immediately. Just when I was starting to question whether or not I really should look before I leap - I am offered an amazing opportunity to plan events across the country. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways. From the day I interviewed at this company I was made aware that there were big plans in place and that the business would begin growing. I didn't quite expect to be taken along on the journey so quickly and I am ecstatic.
So its made me decide that change really isn't a bad thing. Nothing to fear. I know it's offbeat to compare a change in career to a homeless person but they both just want you to open your heart and your mind and accept that they are real. And when you accept this - you will be greatly rewarded.
~For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
Nothing can force me back into that small-town shell quicker than encountering a homeless person. I am not scared. I am anxious. I feel the same way about homeless people as I do about changes in my life. I feel anxious, I don't want to come into contact, be engaged with it or embrace it. Yet I recognize that it is inevitable - my interaction with them and with change. I avoid it as much as I can but at the same time I am human enough to know that I have to acknowledge it as real. Who am I kidding? I am more uncomfortable with change than anything or anyone.
I recently changed jobs. I had held on to a wonderful job in a miserable environment to the point of sacrificing my health, my relationships with friends and family and most importantly, my time for myself. I worked at a resort and planned weddings for the last four years. I am only 24, so this was the longest I had ever been at a job thus far. I loved my job. As with most jobs, it was the management that led to my eventual resignation. From the first time I fluffed the bride's dress I knew it was my calling. I loved the relationships I developed with the clients. I loved being able to exercise my creativity to its fullest potential to put on the most memorable events. I even loved the challenges that came in the form of mothers-of-the-bride, "bridezillas" and arrogant businessmen planning conferences.
But it happened- I finally jumped ship. I mean jumped. I was offered an administrative position at a real estate office and took the opportunity. I jumped without even opening my eyes. My knowledge of the real estate business went as far as knowing that there's a bunch of people, they sell houses, lots of papers are signed and then they give people keys to their house. When I find myself googling real estate terms just to stay afloat and not sound completely incompetent, I have often wondered "What the hell am I doing here? I just left a job that I knew inside, outside and sideways for a place where I know nothing."
My boss is not only a real estate broker ( n: term which describes a party who acts as an intermediary between sellers and buyers of real estate and attempts to find sellers who wish to sell and buyers who wish to buy), but she is also a national speaker. She holds sessions across the country coaching other brokers on how to grow their business. Last week she called me into her office and offered me the position of being her event coordinator - effective immediately. Just when I was starting to question whether or not I really should look before I leap - I am offered an amazing opportunity to plan events across the country. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways. From the day I interviewed at this company I was made aware that there were big plans in place and that the business would begin growing. I didn't quite expect to be taken along on the journey so quickly and I am ecstatic.
So its made me decide that change really isn't a bad thing. Nothing to fear. I know it's offbeat to compare a change in career to a homeless person but they both just want you to open your heart and your mind and accept that they are real. And when you accept this - you will be greatly rewarded.
~For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
Sunday, June 14, 2009
WARNING... GAG ALERT...
So tonight the hubby and I are watching Slumdog Millionaire. I pause the movie for a bathroom break and as I sit up on the edge of the couch my husband, who's sitting in the chair across from me, says "Wait - Don't move." I'm thinking there must be a huge spider on the wall behind me. "What?!" I ask as he reaches and grabs his cell phone.
"Hang on," he says, "You looked so cute sitting there just now... I want to take your picture."
Maybe things like this happen in most people's relationships/marriages/etc. However, this was such an uncommon thing for him to say. He's not what you would call the most vocal person unless of course we're talking about his beloved dirtbike. No misunderstanding, he is quite affectionate and is a wonderful husband - I thank God for him every day. But this was just one of those moments you wish you could frame and set on your nightstand. Its small moments like that that make me look up at the sky and give God a little wink. He wasn't kidding when He joined the two of us. What a wonderful plan He has.
"Hang on," he says, "You looked so cute sitting there just now... I want to take your picture."
Maybe things like this happen in most people's relationships/marriages/etc. However, this was such an uncommon thing for him to say. He's not what you would call the most vocal person unless of course we're talking about his beloved dirtbike. No misunderstanding, he is quite affectionate and is a wonderful husband - I thank God for him every day. But this was just one of those moments you wish you could frame and set on your nightstand. Its small moments like that that make me look up at the sky and give God a little wink. He wasn't kidding when He joined the two of us. What a wonderful plan He has.
SECRET SUNDAY
I love routine. I love spontaneity. I am oftentimes a walking contradiction.
I love spontaneity as it pertains to having the daily chores done and the hubs and I looking at each other asking "So what now?" Then we'll get online and google local parks, restaurants, not-so-local wineries, etc and decide on somewhere to go or something to do. I love not finding anything online and just hopping in the car and driving wherever we feel like.
I love routine as it pertains to my husband and I when we accomplish every-day tasks in sync with each other. I sort the laundry - he washes & dries - I fold and put it away. I clear my makeup, blowdryer and our toothbrushes off the bathroom counter, clean it and the floor - he cleans the bathtub (God love him!). I speed-pick-up the living room and clear the dining room table - he sprinkles carpet powder and vacuums. I love that kind of routine. I love days when we get to come right home after work and hang out in our pj's watching our favorite TV shows (Jeopardy THEN Wheel of Fortune).
A new favorite routine is that every Sunday at some point during the day I hop online and pull up PostSecret.com. Oftentimes I simply clear my throat to get his attention, point at the computer screen and after a second he puts it all together and sits down next to me on the couch. We scroll through the secrets together - laughing at some, talking about some and remaining silent about others. This routine typically lasts between three and five minutes but I find myself looking forward to it every Sunday. And here is one of my favorites that I feel obliged to share. Have a wonderful Sunday and may you share the secrets that weigh heavy on your shoulders and keep the ones that make you smile.
I love spontaneity as it pertains to having the daily chores done and the hubs and I looking at each other asking "So what now?" Then we'll get online and google local parks, restaurants, not-so-local wineries, etc and decide on somewhere to go or something to do. I love not finding anything online and just hopping in the car and driving wherever we feel like.
I love routine as it pertains to my husband and I when we accomplish every-day tasks in sync with each other. I sort the laundry - he washes & dries - I fold and put it away. I clear my makeup, blowdryer and our toothbrushes off the bathroom counter, clean it and the floor - he cleans the bathtub (God love him!). I speed-pick-up the living room and clear the dining room table - he sprinkles carpet powder and vacuums. I love that kind of routine. I love days when we get to come right home after work and hang out in our pj's watching our favorite TV shows (Jeopardy THEN Wheel of Fortune).
A new favorite routine is that every Sunday at some point during the day I hop online and pull up PostSecret.com. Oftentimes I simply clear my throat to get his attention, point at the computer screen and after a second he puts it all together and sits down next to me on the couch. We scroll through the secrets together - laughing at some, talking about some and remaining silent about others. This routine typically lasts between three and five minutes but I find myself looking forward to it every Sunday. And here is one of my favorites that I feel obliged to share. Have a wonderful Sunday and may you share the secrets that weigh heavy on your shoulders and keep the ones that make you smile.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
INNOCENT TALKS OF GOD
I don't typically write about religion in the public realm because my relationship with the Big Man has and always will remain a very personal journey. However, I feel compelled to relay this story...
I was at my brothers house last night to watch the sickening display by the Detroit Redwings as they handed over the Stanley Cup. There were quite a few people there to watch the game, have a couple of drinks and sit around the post-game bonfire. After sitting by the fire for awhile I decided to go back into the house to find my niece (age 7) and nephew (age 9) entertaining themselves with the usual videogames, dolls, etc.
I sat down at the kitchen table and after a few minutes both my niece and nephew were sitting across from me. I do not recall what started the conversation down this path but I soon found myself inundated with questions from them about God, dying, illness, etc. It caught me completely off guard and saddened me beyond words to hear the questions that they hold inside their little minds come pouring out. Many times these two cannot sit within two feet of each other before a fight breaks loose but they sat there on either side of me, raising their hands and taking turns asking questions (haha gotta love that!) with eyes wide open. I would like to share some of the highlights of this conversation:
Niece: "Umm... what does it mean when someone faints - do they like DIE?"
Nephew: "What if you don't know if you believe in God?"
Niece: "My grandma told me that her mom died and went to heaven and I just wish that I met her. Is she really in heaven?"
Niece: "What IS heaven?"
Nephew: "My friend said that we came from monkeys. But some people think we came from God..." (to which I replied 'Where'd the monkeys come from?')
Niece: "My friend said that we don't go to heaven. She said that when we get old we get littler and the world explodes." (---that was a fun one to sort out with her...)
Niece: "What if God and Jesus die?" (****Halfway through our conversation my niece said "I think I love God - I love you God.")
Nephew: "What happens if you don't know if you believe in God and you die - where do you go - do you go to the devil's place?" Niece: "Yeah my friend said that the devil wants to make the Earth bad and wants to kill God." ..... and here's the clincher... After doing my best to answer their questions - and these were BIG questions to have fired at you so rapidly - my nephew was still confused why if there is a God that his friend would think we came from monkeys. He seemed worried that there was no unanimous decision. To which I told them "You will have friends, family and lots of people who might not believe in God the way that you do. But what matters most is what YOU believe in. Sometimes its hard to believe in something that you can't see. But because God lives so far far away in heaven we can't see HIM but we can see the things he does for us and that reminds us that he loves us no matter what. Just like your parents love you. Maybe sometimes they don't say it and maybe sometimes they get mad when you don't listen, or when you fight with each other - but no matter what - they always love you. And that's the way God loves you."
Whew! That was that. It was just such a random conversation that I HAD to share. It reminded me how important it is to allow ourselves even as adults to continuously ask questions. And most importantly, to allow ourselves to dedicate our lives to finding the answers. I did not answer their questions from a standpoint of total certainty myself. But I did speak with conviction and belief. I love these two so much and I can't wait to have children of my own. I only hope and pray that they and everyone I care about will find the answers they're looking for and have the strength to believe with all of their might in something that means as much to me as my faith.
I was at my brothers house last night to watch the sickening display by the Detroit Redwings as they handed over the Stanley Cup. There were quite a few people there to watch the game, have a couple of drinks and sit around the post-game bonfire. After sitting by the fire for awhile I decided to go back into the house to find my niece (age 7) and nephew (age 9) entertaining themselves with the usual videogames, dolls, etc.
I sat down at the kitchen table and after a few minutes both my niece and nephew were sitting across from me. I do not recall what started the conversation down this path but I soon found myself inundated with questions from them about God, dying, illness, etc. It caught me completely off guard and saddened me beyond words to hear the questions that they hold inside their little minds come pouring out. Many times these two cannot sit within two feet of each other before a fight breaks loose but they sat there on either side of me, raising their hands and taking turns asking questions (haha gotta love that!) with eyes wide open. I would like to share some of the highlights of this conversation:
Niece: "Umm... what does it mean when someone faints - do they like DIE?"
Nephew: "What if you don't know if you believe in God?"
Niece: "My grandma told me that her mom died and went to heaven and I just wish that I met her. Is she really in heaven?"
Niece: "What IS heaven?"
Nephew: "My friend said that we came from monkeys. But some people think we came from God..." (to which I replied 'Where'd the monkeys come from?')
Niece: "My friend said that we don't go to heaven. She said that when we get old we get littler and the world explodes." (---that was a fun one to sort out with her...)
Niece: "What if God and Jesus die?" (****Halfway through our conversation my niece said "I think I love God - I love you God.")
Nephew: "What happens if you don't know if you believe in God and you die - where do you go - do you go to the devil's place?" Niece: "Yeah my friend said that the devil wants to make the Earth bad and wants to kill God." ..... and here's the clincher... After doing my best to answer their questions - and these were BIG questions to have fired at you so rapidly - my nephew was still confused why if there is a God that his friend would think we came from monkeys. He seemed worried that there was no unanimous decision. To which I told them "You will have friends, family and lots of people who might not believe in God the way that you do. But what matters most is what YOU believe in. Sometimes its hard to believe in something that you can't see. But because God lives so far far away in heaven we can't see HIM but we can see the things he does for us and that reminds us that he loves us no matter what. Just like your parents love you. Maybe sometimes they don't say it and maybe sometimes they get mad when you don't listen, or when you fight with each other - but no matter what - they always love you. And that's the way God loves you."
Whew! That was that. It was just such a random conversation that I HAD to share. It reminded me how important it is to allow ourselves even as adults to continuously ask questions. And most importantly, to allow ourselves to dedicate our lives to finding the answers. I did not answer their questions from a standpoint of total certainty myself. But I did speak with conviction and belief. I love these two so much and I can't wait to have children of my own. I only hope and pray that they and everyone I care about will find the answers they're looking for and have the strength to believe with all of their might in something that means as much to me as my faith.
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