Monday, November 22, 2010


Sometimes when it truly sinks in that we still don't have children I have a loneliness settle over me that is unbearable and suffocating. It makes me feel homesick for the life I thought I'd have at this point - homesick while sitting in my living room. I don't think anyone in my every day life could ever understand. So there it is world.

Saturday, November 20, 2010


Ok I'm doing this on my phone so please forgive my lack of grammar and punctuation skills. I'm gonna get right to the point here and well, you can judge if you want to but there truly is no shame in my game. Because life? Is too short not to jump in balls deep and I'm not above a little graveling to make some things happen.

Though it would be much more productive and life changing I'm not asking you to help me rescue an orphan from a third world country (but we should do that like next week), Im not asking you to help me save the rainforest (schedule that for the week after next mmmkay?).

Nope. I'm starting small and shallow and a little white trash-ish here and asking you all to help me cross one itty bitty thing off of my bucket list. While I do have meaningful things on there like mission and volunteer work, I also have something that goes a little something like this:

"Be front and center at a Kid Rock concert."

Yep. That's where we're starting. I can't explain it. There's something about a long haired, Pam Anderson loving, Waffle House fighting piece of white boy, belting out some hip-hop, country, bluesy, southern rock that gets my blood pumping. Maybe it's a Michigan thing.

Anyway, he's throwing a 40th birthday bash kickoff to his next tour just a half hour from my home in January. Presale tickets go on sale Monday. I known it's ridonkulous commercialism crap and trickery buy the only way to guarantee front and center
is to, of course, purchasw the VIP tickets. Which are, ahem! $300. That's THREE. HUNDRED. DOLLARS. Which of course I don't have just laying around.

SO I'm a pretty big fan of Pure Romance and my consultant is a pretty big fan of Kid Rock and thankfully likes me alright too :) So she's generously offered to helpe out by giving me 40% of all orders I turn in to her by Monday afternoon. So this is where y'all come in. I don't care if you're married, hooking up, or flying solo every woman can use a little (or if you ARE married - a LOT of oomph).

So of you want to do a little sexual healing and help me take the ol' pen to the ol' bucket list you can peruse the products at Rather than ordering through the site she does ask that all orders be placed directly (and anonymously of course) through her at Happy sexin y'all!

Oh and feel free to get anyone you know in on my little project. I will be eternally grateful when I'm sitting beneath Kid Rock, screaming my lungs out and feeling like a rockstar for just one night. Mucho gracias!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


This post was inspired by my dear love Mrs.Fatass.   (Sorry Sue I seem to draw inspiration from you a lot and well, I apologize.  This actually started out as a comment in response to her post today which you should check out here since its the prelude to what I'm about to say. 

And we continue...

If you did what you were told like good readers you know that the word of the day today is ANXIETY.  Doesn't that word just sound anxious?  Hey English majors - is there a word for a word that feels like it sounds?  Just wondering...

Focus.  Little one.  Focus.



I want to say I suffer from EXACTLY what you described but I adore you too much to take that away from  you and acknowledge that while they appear to be, no two people or experiences are the same. But sister?  I will say this: 

I feel ya. 

And if it IS anything like what I deal with then I can probably assume that you are sitting there feeling somewhat like a weight has been lifted but are also thinking "Shit ya'll that isn't even HALF of my crazy."  (I can't help but thinking of the part in Baby Mama where Amy Poehler says "BITCH I don't know your LIFE!")

I feel compelled to share a tidbit with you.  The hubby and I went to a bagel shop this weekend.  Sitting there with my husband, my bagel and my smoothie I had this feeling hit me like a ton of bricks.  A feeling like I didn't belong there and like I don't belong where I am in my life as a whole.  It was one of the heaviest and craziest feelings I've ever experienced.  So much so that I had to get up and leave...  I sat there looking at the families with children, the elderly couple that had just come in after church, the women behind the counter.  And felt like I was looking at them through a window.  And I still can't shake it.

And my husband?  Being that he doesn't experience anxiety, he gave me the look that said  "Holy shit I did not sign up for this," which makes it 100% worse.  I've been told to "get out of my head" more than once by people who more than don't get it.

I haven't quite figured out the secret to escaping something that's attached to my very body.  But if you feel this way too can we make a pact?  That the first one to figure it out please share?  I think one of the hardest things is feeling like there's got to be a higher quality of life outside of this place in our minds. 
But is there?  And its not exactly something we wear on our sleeves.  So sometimes I have to make myself feel better by assuming everyones mind is wired like mine and that we're all fighting the same battle against our minds.  All fine and good until the hubby gives that look again and blows the plan...

So I don't know if this helps at all but I give you major kudos for sharing something so personal.  I've decided that I'm a special kind of crazy and work every day on fixing the parts of that that might harm me and accepting the parts of it that make me who I am or at least the parts that make others uncomfortable and cause me to smirk at myself. 

But the part of my crazy thats anxious?  Its like a monkey on my back day in and day out.  I could literally write a blog just on my fears and the worries that creep up on me every .00007 seconds.  So much so that my biggest fear is that when I age I'll lose my mind and soley exist in the hell that my mind creates.  At least right now I can operate outside of it enough to participate in the world day in and day out.  Its losing control of that that scares the hell out of me. 

Its a battle that I fear my future children will fight and I sense my husband fears it too.  I feel sorry for all of them sometimes. 

But this is my promise to you - I'll wage this war with you.  The one thing that makes me feel better and like I've got it under control is helping other people.  So if there is ever anything I can do please don't hesitate to let me know.  I'm super intuitive when it comes to helping others.  I just struggle with applying it myself. 

So I'm hear for you and all of my readers.  Consider this your wailing wall.  I'm busy doing life and don't get here to write as often as I'd like.  But I'm always here reading.  And if you reach out to  me you bet I'll be there.  THAT part of me is normal and pretty cool :) 

Sorry for the novel ya'll and I hope you've gotten something out of this hot mess of a post.  Peace out girl scouts!  XOXO