Friday, June 24, 2011


Hey everyone!

I hope your summers are off to a great start.  Mine has been chock full of craziness but thats to be expected right?

Anyway I wanted to bring you all in on a new blog I just started about my recent couponing experience.  Even if you think "Screw that there's no way I'm going to be those ladies with 900 tubes of toothpaste and 2000 toothbrushes" I encourage you to come take a look -  Join me loves!

Its interesting to say the least.  I hope you'll check it out over there.  I'd truly truly appreciate the support of my existing blogger girls :)

Also - if you know anyone considering couponing or who just wants to know what the heck its all about please send them my way.  I've only been couponing for about a month so I'm literally sharing this experience from start to finish and so far so good.  I'm kind of a couponing natural rockstar if I do say so myself. 

Later yall!

Monday, June 13, 2011


Its been awhile friends and while I can't make any promises for the next post I had to get this off my chest... Just a little thought about the way people are...

If you have to proclaim to be a good person, mother, wife, etc in order to refute a claim someone has made about you then chances are you need to look in the mirror and reevaluate.

With all of the social outlets, Facebook in particular, I'm constantly reading someone state how good of a mom they are or how awesome of a wife they are and its SO BLATANTLY OBVIOUS that their need to announce these things comes from the need to counter someone's opinion of them. 

If you are a good person, a good mother or a good wife then its who you are.  You exude that.  You exude it to the point that people who just meet you can tell what a good person you are.  You exude it to the point that no one would ever in their right mind question your character.  And its something that is so innate that you don't even recognize it because its simply your nature.

So again, if  you have to make such claims then chances are the opposite is true or at least partially true.  I have learned and continue to learn this lesson myself.  I caught myself trying to convince my husband that I'm a good wife. I'd do this or that and say "See?  I'm a good wife."  And I realize that that is bred from uncertainty.  I AM NOT innately domestic.   So it takes conscious effort to do things that a "good" wife might do.  Little things that probably come natural to most of you don't come natural to me - cooking, cleaning, etc.  And its not that I'm lazy its that I fill my time with other things (primarily over-committing to helping other people) while neglecting those things a good "wife" and someday mother would do.  But rather than make proclamations that don't hold their weight I realized I needed to sit back quietly and harness those skills.  Practice makes perfect right?  And all I do is cross my fingers and hope that over time the domestic gene becomes more and more dominant and I can exude exactly what I hope to be - a good person, a good wife and a good mother. 

Perhaps the latter is the reason I'm hypersensitive to others making such ridiculous claims.  Or perhaps you just get sick of the b.s.  Either way its out of my head now and into the blogosphere :)

Hope everyone is having a fantastical summer! 

Tuesday, March 1, 2011



Ok everyone. Here it is. I'm digging deep to let you in on something very personal that has thrown me out of the stratosphere for quite some time. I'm not sure if I'm ready to write this and I'm not sure how to move forward and write funny or light-hearted posts after this. So please - bear with me if this blog gets a little choppy while I navigate.

Carlee is my moms cousin's daughter. I'm not sure what you call that branch of the family tree but it's family. Enough said. Though we've lived within a few hours of Carlee, her mom and her sister I haven't seen her since I was quite young and she was likely still a baby.

Mid-August of last year, at the age of 16, Carlee went missing. She stepped outside of the apartment she lived in with her mother to call a friend and never came back. As you can imagine this is a very, very long story with many many details. This is merely a recap.

Police insisted that Carlee was a runaway. For some time they ignored the pleas of Carlees mother to please treat this as a missing person case. Searches were held. A vigil was held. Balloons were sent up to heaven with the hope that God would hear the prayers and return Carlee safe and sound.

How we hoped that she was a runaway.

Tips were called in and received in various forms but unfortunately were fruitless. Then things took a horrific turn.

In early December, I believe, police investigated a lead involving an ex-boyfriend and friend
of Carlees. Within hours arrests were made and our worst fears were confirmed. These two monsters confessed to killing Carlee.

I will never EVER in my life forget the exact moment that I heard the news. I was driving to the bank after work. I was supposed to watch my niece and nephew that night. Having heard the news my brother called to relieve me of my duties knowing that once I heard I wouldn't be in any shape to watch them. He couldn't bare holding out on telling so he said "They found Carlee." At first I was ecstatic; imagining her returning home with some crazy story of where she'd been. But then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew what he'd tell me next wasn't what I'd been hoping and praying for. "ALIVE?!" I asked. (Is it possible to pray a million times in a second?) "No."

I don't know how I drove home.

Truth be told they had not actually found her. As I write this we still do not know where she is. Her mother has not been able to lay her baby girl to rest.

I know that there is no preparation possible for human ears to hear the gruesome details surrounding the ongoing trial. Numbness truly is Gods greatest gift at a time like this.

I cannot and will not go into the specifics of the case because there is no way on earth that I can write you anything factual without saturating it with emotion. I'd write for days.

A Facebook page was created by one of Carlees moms dearest friends and has been somewhat of a wailing wall for many of her friends and family. But what stands out the most? Are the pictures upon pictures posted by those who had the joy of knowing her. You can see that in her short 16 years Carlee experienced so much. Her face is a light in each and every photograph. Carlee was the sun, the moon and the stars to everyone who knew her. We did not know each other on earth but I know I'll be one of may standing in line to take in that infectious joy everyones talked about when I meet you in heaven. Until then we'll keep your spirit and memory alive by sharing in the stories told by the lucky ones you graced with your presence
every day that you were here. Lord make you a rainbow to shine down on all of us. Rest in peace.

Monday, November 22, 2010


Sometimes when it truly sinks in that we still don't have children I have a loneliness settle over me that is unbearable and suffocating. It makes me feel homesick for the life I thought I'd have at this point - homesick while sitting in my living room. I don't think anyone in my every day life could ever understand. So there it is world.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


This post was inspired by my dear love Mrs.Fatass.   (Sorry Sue I seem to draw inspiration from you a lot and well, I apologize.  This actually started out as a comment in response to her post today which you should check out here since its the prelude to what I'm about to say. 

And we continue...

If you did what you were told like good readers you know that the word of the day today is ANXIETY.  Doesn't that word just sound anxious?  Hey English majors - is there a word for a word that feels like it sounds?  Just wondering...

Focus.  Little one.  Focus.



I want to say I suffer from EXACTLY what you described but I adore you too much to take that away from  you and acknowledge that while they appear to be, no two people or experiences are the same. But sister?  I will say this: 

I feel ya. 

I feel compelled to share a tidbit with you.  The hubby and I went to a bagel shop this weekend.  Sitting there with my husband, my bagel and my smoothie I had this feeling hit me like a ton of bricks.  A feeling like I didn't belong there and like I don't belong where I am in my life as a whole.  It was one of the heaviest and craziest feelings I've ever experienced.  So much so that I had to get up and leave...  I sat there looking at the families with children, the elderly couple that had just come in after church, the women behind the counter.  And felt like I was looking at them through a window.  And I still can't shake it.

And my husband?  Being that he doesn't experience anxiety, he gave me the look that said  "I did not sign up for this," which makes it 100% worse.  I've been told to "get out of my head" more than once by people who more than don't get it.

I haven't quite figured out the secret to escaping something that's attached to my very body.  But if you feel this way too can we make a pact?  That the first one to figure it out please share?  I think one of the hardest things is feeling like there's got to be a higher quality of life outside of this place in our minds. 

But is there?  And its not exactly something we wear on our sleeves.  So sometimes I have to make myself feel better by assuming everyone's mind is wired like mine and that we're all fighting the same battle against our minds.  All fine and good until the hubby gives that look again and blows the plan...

So I don't know if this helps at all but I give you major kudos for sharing something so personal.  I've decided that I'm a special kind of crazy and work every day on fixing the parts of that that might harm me and accepting the parts of it that make me who I am or at least the parts that make others uncomfortable and cause me to smirk at myself. 

But the part of my crazy that's anxious?  Its like a monkey on my back day in and day out.  I could literally write a blog just on my fears and the worries that creep up on me every .00007 seconds.  So much so that my biggest fear is that when I age I'll lose my mind and solely exist in the hell that my mind creates.  At least right now I can operate outside of it enough to participate in the world day in and day out.  Its losing control of that that scares the hell out of me. 

Its a battle that I fear my future children will fight and I sense my husband fears it too.  I feel sorry for all of them sometimes. 

But this is my promise to you - I'll wage this war with you.  The one thing that makes me feel better and like I've got it under control is helping other people.  So if there is ever anything I can do please don't hesitate to let me know.  I'm super intuitive when it comes to helping others.  I just struggle with applying it myself. 

So I'm here for you and all of my readers.  Consider this your wailing wall.  I'm busy doing life and don't get here to write as often as I'd like.  But I'm always here reading.  And if you reach out to  me you bet I'll be there.  THAT part of me is normal and pretty cool :) 

Sorry for the novel ya'll and I hope you've gotten something out of this hot mess of a post.  Peace out girl scouts!  XOXO

Thursday, October 21, 2010


I once had an English professor who had us do this really cool exercise.  He had us write down a list of words we liked then write an essay on any topic we chose, using some of our favorite words.  He then suggested we keep a running list of our favorite words and use them as much as possible.  I just thought it was funny because I thought I was the only one crazy enough to have favorite words.

Alas we come to the topic of todays posts.  EXHILARATED.  I love love love this word.  And in the past tense the most.  Why?  Because it means you're coming down from a lovely lovely life high.  Hold that thought...

Now - I am seriously seriously out of shape.  I can honestly say that I am in the worst shape of my entire life.  And I'm not proud.  The most frustrating part for me is that I have all of the tools and knowledge to turn this ship around yet I stay on the same course.  HOWEVER the tools and knowledge consist of words like "meal plan", "exercise", "THE SCALE".  All of which are daunting daunting daunting. 

So this past weekend I decided I was going to rake the leaves in our front yard.  Did you hear that? I? I? I???  That means I was going to throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt, grab the rake out of the shed (which is husband territory and not very wifey), and get girl dirty.  (Girl dirty is the kind of dirty where you've at least got on layers to protect you from the bugs that lurk under piles of leaves and you only get a little bit of dirt under your fingernails).  This was a special occurance because this girl?  Me no likely yardwork.  Its obvious by my out of control flowerbeds and overgrown shrubs. 

And lets be honest.  Though I'm a busy body - I prefer to be busy thinking things out, planning them and doing random running around.  I tend to avoid physical labor at all costs.  Why can't I just be lazy and still be skinny? 

So I rake my little heart out.  And while the hubby did come out to "assist" aka do the parts of the yard that weren't as leaf covered because I refused because it wasn't "worth it," I felt frickin awesome afterwards.

I forget how your body responds so positively to a good work out and fresh air.  I have forgotten the smell of leaves in October, the feel of flushed cheeks and a cold nose.  I have forgotten what it feels like to feel EXHILARATED. 

So after said EXHILARATION I decided to make a rule for myself.  Aside from wanting to get around to making a bucket list, I want to make it a goal to feel exhilarated more often.  And after thinking long and hard about it I realized that a lot of times exhilaration comes from DOING something, hence getting exercise, HENCE meeting some much needed weight loss goals.  DUH!!! Its the secret to success I tell you.  Someone ought to be paying me at least $1.7 million right now.  Its called trickery.  You do something exhilarating, get the juices flowing, feel the wind on your face, feel like a kid playing in leaves, and before you know it you've burned off more than you've taken in because That. My. Friends. Is. How. This. Works. 

Consider yourself learned.  So go out and do something exhilarating.  I don't even know exactly what causes that feeling but its something to experience more often.  I promise.  When was the last time you felt exhilarated?  What exhilarates you?  Maybe we could try each others ideas and rack up a whole lot of exhilaration.  Happy Thursday ya'll!  Oh and I've also decided to start a little movement of my own on Facebook.  Every day, to keep myself accountable, I'm posting what the days exercise consisted of.  As long as I have something to post even if its a walk down my street, its better than nothing.  Oh you silly fat-brain.  I'll trick you yet. 

Thursday, October 7, 2010


For real.  What is up?

Its been for EVER since we last spoke.  You probably thought I forgot about ya'll.  Yeah, well, I didn't.  I just suck at life.  That and I've been super busy with life, work, marriage issues (a whole OTHER post and when I get there?  I need about a 100 women to rally around me, hug me, and swear its all completely normal), "Who am I?" issues, "Where am I Going" issues and most recently strep throat turned bronchitis.  HOLLLAA!

So I've got a ton of post ideas just whizzing around in my head.  I've faltered like WHOA on the diet front.  I can mostly control my 9-5 diet but its coming home from work and being exhausted that throws a wrench in my master plan because its SO easy to go for the easy dinner option and NOT exercise.  Why can't easy always be the best choice?

I digress.  I'll write more on that over at my sista blog Healthily Ever After which also has sat like a deer in headlights for the last couple of months while I tucked summer away in its warm cozy bed for the year.

So here I sit, with the start of yet another Michigan season bringing on sickness and hopefully some positive changes once I get the ol' bronchial tubes back in order and can FUNCTION again.  This weekend?  We're heading Up North (that's Michigan speak for the magical land of fall color and splendor north of the Tri Cities).  We're taking our friends, the quads/dirtbike and hitting the trails to check out the changing leaves from the thick of Mother Nature.  Did you know that Mother Nature is a Michigander?  Yep.  She is. And she wears Maize and Blue.

Oh and all this Michigan speak? This Saturday the University of Michigan Wolverines take on the Michigan State Spartans.  GO BLUE!!!!

More later my little lovelies.  And by later I mean sooner than three months :)  I swear....

Whats new with YOU?