Tuesday, February 22, 2011


The southern version of stop being a sissy goes a little something like this: "Stop being a danged ol' titty baby." (As first made known to me by my cousins then four year old son. This has absolutely nothing to do with this post other than a) it's funny and b) I AM about to talk about my lady lumps.

So the long and short of it is this - my boobies are driving me CRAZY! Does anyone else have super dry ta-tas in the winter? This is my first winter with this hellacious itch. And I? Am of course convinced that there's something terminally wrong with me. Let me explain:

First, I wish I was exaggerating when I say that I've gained almost 100 pounds since high school. It's devastating (insert pointless self loathing) and I'm turning that ship around but that's a WHOLE other post. But obviously the girls have grown too. Now with this "growth" has come a change in color. Like the horses in Oz but way less magical. But seriously? Sometimes they look purplish and almost bruised. This varies in appearance which is weird in itself.

Second, maybe I look at them too much but sometimes it looks like there are little dimpley dots on them. I read online (because of course I have to Google it) that a certain kind of breast cancer looks like the peel of an orange. So that's nice.

Then of course is the intense itch. Like if you mix dry skin with anger and hell. It's beyond infuriating. Oh and if I scratch anywhere near the nipple on either side little bumps appear all around the outer circle.

Soooo... Why turn to the blogosphere instead of a licensed professional? Well let's see - because I'm a baby maybe? Oh and because I'm a really really REALLY big baby. Duh. So step up and diagnose me pretty please. Tell me it's ok and that it's... pink eye or something. Yeah that'll do. Or maybe a bad case of the common cold? Yeah thanks.

Oh and no this I not what I've been up to in my blogging hiatus. I just have to put it out there so my groupies know what I'm working with :)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Hi everyone! (cricket cricket)..... Hello? Is anyone still there? Well I'm just gonna talk and if you're here I hope you'll say hi :)

So Im recovering from a hella-migraine and therefore am checking in with about half the oomph and fanfare I'd like. But I miss you guys. I miss my little outlet. And just like alcohol I sometimes forget how writing makes me feel better (minus the hangover).

So this is what you can go ahead and call a shameless tease. Before I can pick up this blog and carry you all through 2011 I (being the chronological freak that I am) feel that I have to bring you up to speed on what exactly I've been up to that's kept me away for so long that my blog started growing mold. (No worries I slapped some Kilz on it and we're golden).

Which brings us here. Over the course of the next week I will be posting a series of highlights (and low LOWlights) from the last few months. I've been on a rollercoaster and I'm throwing myself off because things? Well they got out of hand for a bit. Brace yourselves kiddies - we've got lots to cover. I hope you'll check it out. Tell your friends. Mirdizzles back! Xoxo