Someone stab me in the square in the elbow...
Can I just say that sometimes my self-induced bi-polarness becomes too overwhelming for even a super chick like me to handle? What is self-induced bi-polarness you ask? (Or if you didn't... you're just flat out rude!)
Its the two identities I've created to cope with life. Identity One is me... good ol', raw, uncut, inappropriate, and, if I do say so... hilarious... me. This is the person that my husband knows, my mom knows, my friends know and how friggin lucky for you bloggeristas YOU know... or are getting to know. She is the beotch who slows down to 15mph when some asshole is tailgating. She's the idiot who will have a wild dance-off with her own self in the living room after only one drink and a rough workweek. She's the wife that will rush to pick up Chinese food and get home so I can joke with the hubby and say "See? I CAN have dinner on the table by six like a good wife."
Identity Two... ugh! I effing hate her. Actually thats a LIE. I have a severe love/hate relationship with her. I think my self-induced bi-polar-ish second identity might even be bi-polar. Does that mean I'm quad-polar?!?! Identity Two is the voice that answers the phone at the office thats so syrupy sweet you'd gag. She's the office psychiatrist thats compassionate to everyone (while Identity One is secretly saying "Seriously... get the F out of my office because I have shit to do!). She's the student on who's report cards the teachers made the extra effort to write "Miranda is a joy to have. Every teacher wishes for a classroom full of Mirandas." (<--- true story... doesn't that make you SICK?)
So of all the random, mismatched thoughts that fly through my mind, these are the two main characters that exist as a result.
COME ON! GET TO THE POINT! (Identity Two: "Ok, I apologize for the inconvenience of bringing you through this painful discussion." Identity One: "Ya know what... how about I'll get there when I get there?")
My point iiiiiissss.... sometimes these two cross paths and truly want to duke it out... Fight Club style. Sometimes these two have a hard time staying on their side of the backseat and make me want to pull the car over and spank both of them. (Sorry for you parents out there who are anti-spanking) but these two can get seriously out of hand.
And I've got this sneaking suspicion that this week Identity One just might take over in the workplace. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous for her to make her debut. I hardly think she's Employee of the Month material and we just might lose clients over it and furthermore... she *just* might get me fired. So say a little prayer to the self-induced-bi-polar-ish Gods and I'll keep you updated.